Autumnal Thoughts

I haven't posted for a month for a variety of reasons. Gone for a week on Cycle Oregon, 9/12-19 and it was wonderful. Felt great to really get away and into all that rural southern Oregon beauty. Upon my return I was sick with "flu-like symptoms" that could have been H1N1, but who cares at this point. Since then I've been working hard in my studio to get ready for Portland Open Studios Oct. 17-18.

Jon has been to see Leola every week, but I have stayed away since my last visit. I know she still looks at me and thinks I have taken Jon away from her in some way even though she really doesn't know who he is all the time. He is just an important male person in her life and she associates me with the loss of him. Jon says she is always glad to see him, but doesn't remember anything from one minute to the next making it difficult to have any conversation.

The caregivers are worn out since she is much more of a handful than they're used to in terms of mobility. She leaves the house often and walks down the driveway as though she is leaving, necessitating someone to fetch her. The outdoor wanderings will no doubt stop as the weather turns colder. She often gets up at night. If she opens her bedroom door, an alarm goes off in the caregivers' bedroom waking them. From what Jon tells me they have requested more medication, but I don't know if that has happened. I'm sure they will begin charging us more for the wandering since I remember seeing that in the contract.

A friend of mine named John Concillo recommended a book to me after reading this blog. It was a touching read by Portlander John Haugse called "Heavy Snow: My Father's Disappearance into Alzheimer's". It is written in graphic novel style with pictures drawn by the author. I was struck by the many similarities in our situations.

This afternoon, Jon is taking his mother back to the oncologist to check the mass under her arm to see if it has changed. Don't know if we'll have any new information or not. He has been feeling depressed about his mom's situation lately. He thinks we made a mistake putting her in foster care - that she should have gone into a memory unit where they are more quipped to deal with her activity level. He thinks she's too cooped up and unhappy. However, if the cancer progresses, she will be in the perfect place. She still talks about going home soon.