Well, I spoke too soon about the sleeping 10 hours. Jon said he heard his mother downstairs during the night. He got up and she was in the garage asking how to get out. After he got her back to sleep, he had a restless night. I know it sounds like we are keeping her prisoner. In a way we are, but it is for her own safety until the trauma of the move dissolves into a routine.
Shopping for underwear for a 92 year old, 90 lb. woman who has had a mastectomy is tricky. I saw what panties she had already and made a mental note of the style and size. The bras were more difficult. Her existing bras were so old I couldn't see a size. I guessed her to be a 32A, but wasn't sure. I measured her chest with a tape measure and with a sweater on - 31 inches. She proclaimed she had always worn a 30. Try finding a bra in a size 30A - especially one without wire, but with padding. The choices are limited - even in a 32. It occured to me to buy a sports bra, but rejected that idea becaue it would be too hard for her to put on. I finally bought three, slightly padded, no underwire bras in size 32A and just hoped they fit.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Day 3
I've been much too busy to make a post until now. Friday, the movers went to Leola's apartment and packed her things. Jon took her out while this was happening so she wouldn't get freaked out by strange men messing with her stuff. They took Dan to the airport, ran errands then came back to our house. By the time I got home from work they were here and she was really confused. She asked me if I was Jon's sister and when Jon told here we were married, she asked why no one had ever told her. She perseverated on that for over an hour.
We knew the first few days would be confusing for her, but didn't realize it would be this bad. Since the movers weren't coming with her stuff until the next morning, she had to sleep in the guest room. During the night she suddenly appeared in our bedroom fully dressed and said she had been outside, but it was too dark to see where she was. She siad she was trying to find the "lady who lives here". Jon went downstairs and got her back into bed and waited until she was asleep.
Next morning she seemed more oriented and knew my name, but still couldn't quite understand where she was or whose house it was. Jon went out and bought locks to put out of reach on the doors to keep her in at night. Even though this is dangerous if there were a fire, it is a temporary safety measure. The movers came about noon and she chatted with them as she watched some of her furniture placed in her new bedroom. The thing about Leola is that in spite of memory loss and confusion, she still likes to talk to people. Granted, she repeats herself every few minutes, but she is generally positive and charming. A couple of our neighbors, Lynn and Betty, came by to introduce themselves to her and chat a little. Betty is 80, as sharp as a tack and twice as funny. Betty is one of those women you want to be when you are 80. Smart, fun and irreverent. They sat out on the deck in the sunshine, Betty in her T-shirt and shorts, Leola in her wool sweater, skirt and black tights. No matter that it is 87 degrees outside, she is always chilly.
Jon and I spent the bulk of the afternoon helping her unpack her clothes, put them away. This is a woman who has always loved clothes and has had the figure to wear them. Needless to say she has way more clothes than we have room for. However, at closer inspection I realized she hasn't purchased any new clothes in at least 5 or 6 years. Nor has she gotten rid of things. I hung up familiar things I had seen her wear over the last 35 years I've known her. The blue dress she bought for her son, Gary's, third wedding, the ultra suede suit she sewed for herself in the early 80's, cocktail dresses I've seen pictures of her in, shorts she used to wear in the summer in Coos Bay, Indian print dresses from the 70s, and of course, dozens and dozens of sweaters and sweater skirts, most of which she knitted herself.
I wasn't quite prepared for the many bags full of panty hose, stockings and tights - most of which had holes and runs in them. There were enough to fill about 7 shpping bags. What is it about pantyhose and older women? When my own mother died at the age of 81, I found several dozen pair of panty hose in her closet and she hadn't worn pantyhose in 15 years! Even I don't own more than 4 or 5 pair fo pantyhose. Since Leola has never worn pants, more hosery than usual was understandable, but this was unbelievable. It probably harks back to her dpression era upbringing - never throw anything away.
What was clearly missing from the clothing we unpacked were undergarments. I found 2 ragged brassieres and only 1 extra pair of panties - also ragged. How had I let this happen? She hadn't purchased any new clothes in a long time and that included underwear. I should have realized over the last 5 years since she moved to Portland from Coos Bay, that she had not had not had an opportunity to buy them. But of course she never mentioned needing anything.
By dinnertime, she was obviously tired and more confused than ever. She wasn't even clear that Jon was her son. Thankfully, she slept about 10 hours last night and seemed more oriented this morning.
We knew the first few days would be confusing for her, but didn't realize it would be this bad. Since the movers weren't coming with her stuff until the next morning, she had to sleep in the guest room. During the night she suddenly appeared in our bedroom fully dressed and said she had been outside, but it was too dark to see where she was. She siad she was trying to find the "lady who lives here". Jon went downstairs and got her back into bed and waited until she was asleep.
Next morning she seemed more oriented and knew my name, but still couldn't quite understand where she was or whose house it was. Jon went out and bought locks to put out of reach on the doors to keep her in at night. Even though this is dangerous if there were a fire, it is a temporary safety measure. The movers came about noon and she chatted with them as she watched some of her furniture placed in her new bedroom. The thing about Leola is that in spite of memory loss and confusion, she still likes to talk to people. Granted, she repeats herself every few minutes, but she is generally positive and charming. A couple of our neighbors, Lynn and Betty, came by to introduce themselves to her and chat a little. Betty is 80, as sharp as a tack and twice as funny. Betty is one of those women you want to be when you are 80. Smart, fun and irreverent. They sat out on the deck in the sunshine, Betty in her T-shirt and shorts, Leola in her wool sweater, skirt and black tights. No matter that it is 87 degrees outside, she is always chilly.
Jon and I spent the bulk of the afternoon helping her unpack her clothes, put them away. This is a woman who has always loved clothes and has had the figure to wear them. Needless to say she has way more clothes than we have room for. However, at closer inspection I realized she hasn't purchased any new clothes in at least 5 or 6 years. Nor has she gotten rid of things. I hung up familiar things I had seen her wear over the last 35 years I've known her. The blue dress she bought for her son, Gary's, third wedding, the ultra suede suit she sewed for herself in the early 80's, cocktail dresses I've seen pictures of her in, shorts she used to wear in the summer in Coos Bay, Indian print dresses from the 70s, and of course, dozens and dozens of sweaters and sweater skirts, most of which she knitted herself.
I wasn't quite prepared for the many bags full of panty hose, stockings and tights - most of which had holes and runs in them. There were enough to fill about 7 shpping bags. What is it about pantyhose and older women? When my own mother died at the age of 81, I found several dozen pair of panty hose in her closet and she hadn't worn pantyhose in 15 years! Even I don't own more than 4 or 5 pair fo pantyhose. Since Leola has never worn pants, more hosery than usual was understandable, but this was unbelievable. It probably harks back to her dpression era upbringing - never throw anything away.
What was clearly missing from the clothing we unpacked were undergarments. I found 2 ragged brassieres and only 1 extra pair of panties - also ragged. How had I let this happen? She hadn't purchased any new clothes in a long time and that included underwear. I should have realized over the last 5 years since she moved to Portland from Coos Bay, that she had not had not had an opportunity to buy them. But of course she never mentioned needing anything.
By dinnertime, she was obviously tired and more confused than ever. She wasn't even clear that Jon was her son. Thankfully, she slept about 10 hours last night and seemed more oriented this morning.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The day before the move
Dan is visiting, but leaves tomorrow. He went to see his grandmother this morning and had breakfast with her. Tomorrow is moving day and Leola will spend her first night as a member of our household tomorrow night. Yikes! Here we go.
Things are really winding down at work. Two weeks left and those days are filled with events, field trips, assemblies etc. I started packing my teaching materials yesterday. As I went through materials and books I have used over the last 17 years, I found myself wondering why I am saving any of it. At the back of my mind is the fear that I might have to go back to work and I'll need this stuff. However, I can't really picture myself working as a teacher again. It is hard to imagine I won't be back, but it's a delicious thought and I feel contentment every time I realize I am really retiring.
Things are really winding down at work. Two weeks left and those days are filled with events, field trips, assemblies etc. I started packing my teaching materials yesterday. As I went through materials and books I have used over the last 17 years, I found myself wondering why I am saving any of it. At the back of my mind is the fear that I might have to go back to work and I'll need this stuff. However, I can't really picture myself working as a teacher again. It is hard to imagine I won't be back, but it's a delicious thought and I feel contentment every time I realize I am really retiring.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Intro
Fifteen, twenty or thirty years ago, if you had told me my mother-in-law would be moving in with me, I would have said "When pigs fly." Well, pigs must have grown wings, because she will move in to my son, Dan's, old bedroom in 2 days. She is 92 years old and in good physical health, but she suffers from dementia and is not able to live independently any longer. Jon and I have discussed options for her future over the last year, residing in our home being one of the options on the table. Since Jon works from home, it seemed doable. We drew up elaborate lists of pros and cons, spoke to others who have been through this stage of life with their parents and considered every detail we could think of. Now it is upon us.
This move is sandwiched between other life changes in our family. Last week, our son graduated from the University of San Francisco and is ready to start his new life in that wonderful city with a new apartment and a job as a bartender while he's looking for a job in his field of marketing. I am so proud of him. And in two weeks, I will retire from 16 years of teaching in Portland Public Schools so I can work on my painting full-time. Because my current life is transforming so dramatically, I decided I needed to chronicle the adventure with this blog. It's therapy for me!
More to come
This move is sandwiched between other life changes in our family. Last week, our son graduated from the University of San Francisco and is ready to start his new life in that wonderful city with a new apartment and a job as a bartender while he's looking for a job in his field of marketing. I am so proud of him. And in two weeks, I will retire from 16 years of teaching in Portland Public Schools so I can work on my painting full-time. Because my current life is transforming so dramatically, I decided I needed to chronicle the adventure with this blog. It's therapy for me!
More to come
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Pre-beginning
Just created this new blog. So new to me it is, that I have to play with it before I publish.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
