Stream of conciousness

I'm sitting in my living room with Leola. She is "reading" meaning she has a book, but she has not stopped asking me questions. "Where's my car? Where's Jon? Who is that man I came here with? Where did I go on that trip I took? What time is it? Jon sure has been gone a long time. Where did he go? Is my car outside? How am I going to get home? Have you been in my house? Did you drive me here? I think I must be going crazy. Is it because I'm old? Who is upstairs? I thought I saw someone up there? Who was it who said there was somebody moving in to my house? Are you still teaching? What time is it? Jon sure has been gone a long time. Is my car outside? When did we go to Europe? Didn't we go to Europe? Where did you go to school? Where did you meet Jon? Are you still teaching? We didn't go to your wedding did we? Why not? So you met Jon when he was in school? Why didn't I go to your wedding? What was my other son's name? What did he die of? He didn't look like Jon, did he? Where did Jon go? What is your last name? Really? That's funny. That was my husband's name. No Maybe it was my first husband. We had 2 rooms in that motel. How many people stayed in your room? Wasn't there another couple who stayed in your room? I had a sickness that made my brain go away. Why can't I remember? I see you in the fireplace glass. You look good in the fireplace. Did you like teaching? Are you going to do it again? I taught swimming and dancing? I have to think. Did I teaching swimming and dancing? Do you feel the same way I do that no matter what's gone on, I've had a wonderful life? I just thought of something. How am I going to get home? I guess I'll take the bus. Where is the bus station? Can I see what you're doing? What is that? What's a blog? What time is it? Jon sure has been gone a long time. You sure are pretty. I never get tired of looking at you. Did you have a wedding? Why didn't I come? My kids sure were different. They take more after their father's side because they were both smart. I got good grades, too. Do you like teaching school? When do you go back? I taught swimming and dancing, but I never got paid for it. We performed a lot. I just taught kids I knew. I wonder how I knew them? I swam in the Columbia. I used to love to swim. I'm going to go back there and see my little cave. Do you know what I used to do in my cave? I used to smoke. There were only 10 kids in my school. One of my girlfriends was queen of the Rose Festival, Jean Lafferty. I haven't seen her for a long time. I wonder what happened to her. Where did you go to school? Why aren't we in bed? What time is it? Don't you feel like I do that I've had a wonderful life? That's the way to feel don't you think?"

Yes, I do.

Eraserhead

The weather is startlingly beautiful as I'm sitting on the deck off my bedroom writing this. We returned from Coos Bay last night opting to drive back to Portland rather than spend another night in that musty, rather bleak motel. ON Friday, as we traveled south down interstate 5, Leola was like a child on a new adventure. Everything is always new to her - even the interstate which she has traveled on since it was constructed in the 1950's. The day was spectacular and as we drove along the Umpqua River on Hwy 38 from Drain to Reedsport in the late afternoon sunshine, we were mostly silent as we enjoyed the landscape. Once in Reedsport we headed south on Hwy 101 toward Coos Bay. Leola remembered none of it insisting she had never been on this road before. On the approach to North Bend and Coos Bay, the amazing Umpqua Dunes appear and disappear between the road and the ocean. Even that didn't spark her memory. We thought for sure she would recognize the Bay Bridge as we crossed it into North Bend, but she didn't. By this point she was quite confused. Our prompting didn't help. When she saw the sign that said "Welcome to North Bend" and a few minutes later, "Entering Coos Bay" she started to get agitated telling us "there must be more than one Coos Bay, because I lived in Coos Bay and this isn't it." She talked constantly trying to orient herself, becoming more and more manic, reading every random street sign out loud.

A little background here. Leola has a history of mental illness. What is now called bipolar-disorder used to be called manic depression. She was hospitalized a couple of times before the age of 50 for manic behavior, but never really displayed the depression. She was on lithium for years to control it, but has long since stopped taking it and has had no further episodes, but she has always been hyperactive, full of energy and "on the go" to the point where she would drive me nuts. Up until the last few years, I avoided spending time with her.

While Jon was checking into the Comfort Inn, I worried she was going to snap right there in the car - she was so incoherent. It seemed no response I gave to a question helped orient or satisfy her. She repeated questions over and over forgetting she had just asked. We got 2 rooms and quickly realized one of us would probably have to sleep in her room (which was right across the hall) to keep her safe during the night.

Since it was such a nice evening, we decided to drive out to Charleston to eat. Charleston is one of my favorite places on the Oregon Coast. It's just a little fishing town, but I love it there. Jim and Leola used to have a boat docked at the marina, but she didn't remember. Leola seemed to settle down during dinner. She was happy eating her clam chowder and watching the seagulls pick at a dogfish on the beach while I sipped my much needed martini. Jon and I ate fresh grilled ling cod (caught that very day!) and shared a bottle of wine while we all enjoyed the view. After dinner we drove to Sunset Beach where she used to take Jon as a child (see photos above). No memories, but she clearly enjoyed the beauty of the landscape. We drove passed the first house they lived in - nothing. No recognition.

Next morning, we went to breakfast at the Pancake Mill, a place she used to meet her friends for coffee on an almost daily basis. My kids remember it well as she used to take them with her when they visited. They still talk about those memories. We decided we would not prompt her anymore, avoiding saying things like, "Don't you remember this street?" because that may have contributed to last night's agitation. She did not recognize the Pancake Mill at all, but she ate a hearty breakfast and marveled at all the things on the walls. At this point, Jon and I decided to check out of the motel and not stay a second night since Leola clearly wasn't remembering anything.

Since the Coos Art Museum didn't open until 1:00 and it was such a beautiful day, a drive further south to Bandon seemed like a good way to kill some time. We strolled around the historic area, went out to the light house and watched a coast guard boat dramatically exercise practice drills in the choppy ocean waves. We stopped for lunch at Bandon Dunes, the swanky, elite golf course on the water. At this point, Leola just thought we were on a fun trip to see things.

Back in Coos Bay, we went to the museum and saw my painting in the show on it's last day, but we couldn't actually pick it up until until 4:00 pm after the show closed. In the remaining 2 hours until then, we had planned to visit some of her old neighbors and see her old house. She knew none of them, but that didn't stop her from having a grand old time with them. These people varied in age from 39-80 and they were all quite happy to see her. We went into her old house and as she was standing in her old kitchen, looking out at the view of the bay she had seen a million times before, she said, "What a great view," but she didn't recognize it as a house she had lived in. Jon asked her if she remembered living there and she did not.

It was as if someone had taken an eraser to her brain and eliminated all the memories from her years in Coos Bay.

I needed a break. Drove over to Bend last Saturday to spend a couple of days with Whitney and Micah. Since space is so limited in our house now, I needed to bring some of Whitney's boxed up things to her, along with a printer, mountains of Leola's old yarn and all of Bonnie's old 33 lps. I also had an assignment of sorts. Micah had asked me if I would paint an art deco design (his) on the side of their new bakery space, Bread LaVoy. The weekend was a nice mix of activity, work and relaxation which I enjoyed, but was overshadowed by their missing dog, Dewey, (my favorite dog ever). He had gone AWOL, without his collar, shortly after I arrived on Saturday afternoon. The Bend Police have been aggressively picking up "dogs at large", Whitney told me, and charging a $350 fine as a way for the city to make money. When Dewey had not returned after a couple of hours, she and Micah were fairly certain he had been picked up. Since the Humane Society wasn't open on Sunday, they had to wait until Monday at 10:00 to see if he was indeed there. He was. So I didn't get my dog fix on this trip.

The time away from home was good and I didn't want to come back. However my absence caused even more confusion for Leola. Before I left, she didn't understand why she couldn't go with me, nor did she really remember who Whitney is or where Bend is. Jon said that while I was gone, she repeatedly asked where I was and said she missed me. I guess this is a good thing.

I made the 3 1/2 hour drive home Monday evening after painting the design on the side of the bakery all day, so I was tired and not in the mood for Leola's tedious ramblings and incessant questions. But I put on a smile, put in 30 minutes of repetitive conversation, then poured myself another glass of wine and went upstairs thinking, "I can't do this."

The rest of this week has been spent in idle procrastination, depression and escape into reading, the NY Times crosswords and alcohol. I have read 2 books since last Sunday and have been to my studio just twice, only to stare out the window. Very little exercise either. I realize I have to get into a routine and take care of myself.

This afternoon we are driving to Coos Bay to pick up a painting I've had in a show there. We decided to bring Leola so she can see her old house and a handful of old friends she still has in the area. More confusion will likely occur... I don't know what to expect really. We decided not to stay in the charming B&B because it would be more confusing to her than a bland motel. I've got lots of podcasts to listen to in the car and I'm packing several bottle of wine. I think I'm going to need it.

It's Cold

Lately I feel a little like Billy Crystal in the movie "Analyze This". In one scene, he is listening to various patients' talk about their issues in therapy and he responds with appropriate shrink talk. Then we see how he really wants to respond - ranting, mocking and criticizing them - things he would never say, of course. That's me with Leola.

Take the temperature. Summer solstice is this weekend. Anyone who has experienced summer in Portland knows it is mostly glorious - low humidity, mild temperatures and minimal bothersome insects. The 3 weeks we've had Leola with us, the temperatures have been in the 70's and 80's, but even dressed in her wool sweaters she is always cold.

Our house has 3 levels and about 2,6000 sq. ft. As I mentioned before, the lower level has 2 bedrooms, a bathroom and a family room. Leola's room is there. This level also has it's own furnace. We thought this ideal since we could keep her space warmer for her. The main floor has the living room, dining room, kitchen which is all open. There is also a large deck off the dining room where we spend a great deal of time during the summer and fall. I have always kept the doors to the deck open in nice weather, but Leola is constantly closing them because she is cold. When she complains about how cold it is, I will tell her that it is warmer downstairs. She responds, "But I'm not downstairs." Fair enough.

The picture above was taken last night at dinner out on our deck. It was 75 degrees and she was bundled up in a fur coat!

The 3rd level of our house is our bedroom and 2 small adjoining (7' x 7') offices. Since Jon works at home, he is in his office most of the day. She usually parks herself in the living room (even though it is warmer downstairs!) and rereads the several books and magazine she has. If I come downstairs or come home from someplace, she is on me like an aphid on a rosebud - sucking the life blood out of me with her confused talk. Sometimes I notice she is asleep in the chair, but entrance always wakes her no matter how quiet I try to be.

"I think I'll go to Ilwaco this afternoon. Where's my car?" or "I wonder why my mother hasn't called me?" (Her mother died in 1967) or "Aren't you cold with only a T-shirt on?" It is always a question so you are forced to respond which leads to more confused talk. I'm getting better at responses that won't confuse, but the constancy of her questions is going to drive me mad.

Every morning is the same. If she hears us up in the kitchen making coffee, she will quickly dress and come upstairs. After she says "Good Morning" she will always say, "It's cold in here." Every single goddamned day. Later in the day, if the deck doors are open, she will always say, "Did you want the door open?" to which I respond, "Yes, it's nice outside." She will say, "Oh, but it's cold."

So do I give up? Keep the doors shut and turn on the heat in June when it's 75 degrees outside? I'm losing it on this one.

Day care!

The social worker from Providence Home Health came to visit today - part of the service they provide and to make sure we aren't mistreating our live-in elder. After having a conversation with Leola and looking at the house, she seemed satisfied that Leola was well groomed, wasn't sharing a room with 4 kids and several small animals. She wasn't screaming, "Get me out of here!" However, she gave us some great resources, one in particular we didn't know about. Day care for seniors! You can actually drop off your socially inclined senior at someone's house or facility and he/she can stay for a half day or a full day of interaction with other seniors with dementia. What a concept!

more family photos

Writing about moving the fam photos caused an unexplained feeling of longing for my brothers and their kids. Although I just saw some of them in March when I went to Savannah (see photo), I still miss them all a lot of the time. They are scattered throughout the southeast. David, single with no children, lives in Savannah. Brian, lives in Washington DC having recently relocated there after decades of living in West Palm Beach, Florida. His only child, Taylor, is in college at Stetson, near Daytona Beach. Patrick lives in Huntsville, Alabama with his 2nd wife and son Cole, who just finished 3rd grade. Patrick also has 2 children from his previous marriage. His daughter, Samantha, graduated from FSU a year ago, works and goes to grad school in Jacksonville, FL. Austin just graduated from high school and lives in West Palm Beach, FL with his mother until he starts college in Ft. Lauderdale. Facebook helps keep us all in touch and that has been great, especially keeping me connected to the young adult neices and nephew.

In March, Jon and I went to Savannah to visit David and get him set up with one of our old laptops. Samantha and Austin drove up to see us with their mother, Pam. It was so nice to connect and lots of fun to share pictures on Facebook. Yes, I guess I'm missing them and we are so far away.

Family Photos

The downstairs of our house has 2 bedrooms (one of which Leola is now occupying), a bathroom and a family room. For the last several years I have kept some framed photos of my brothers and their children on the shelves of a bookcase in the family room. I've found pleasure in seeing their faces smiling from the photos particularly since they all live on the east coast and I don't get to see them very often. I realized last night that I would have to put them somewhere else while Leola is living here. She has no idea who the people in those photos are. It just adds to her confusion. So I replaced them with pictures of Jon, me, the kids and a couple of pictures of her with the kids. I'll put my family pictures in my office, but it makes me a little sad to have to move them.

SLUMS and swimming

Yesterday, an occupational therapist from Providence Home Health came to do a cognitive exam on Leola. It's the St. Louis University Mental Status exam (SLUMS) and it is widely used. It consists of a series of simple questions and tasks, e.g. What day of the week is this?, What year is this? Name as many animals as you can in one minute., etc. It is scored from 1-30. If your score is 27-30, you are normal (no impairment), if your score is 21-26, you have mild neurocognitive disorder, if your score is 1-20 you have dementia. Leola's score was 5. Needless to say, both of us were stunned. Having had no experience with these tests, we didn't realize how impaired she is. Another screening test the O.T. did was the Allen Cognitive Levels Screening. The results indicated Leola was right on the borderline of needing 24-hour supervised care. I think she is getting that care now that she lives with us, but she can still be left alone for parts of the day without danger, as long as she is locked in. Tomorrow the social worker from PHH will come to do her evaluation.

Taking Leola swimming is not something I'm willing to do. Jon has hired a companion to take her swimming twice a week, beginning next Tuesday. This will also take care of the bathing issue. Last week when Jon took her swimming, as he so often has in the past, she couldn't quite handle the locker room alone, forgetting where she put her clothes and glasses. She took almost an hour to get ready to swim. She found her clothes, but not her glasses. They wound up in another swimmer's locker who kindly turned them in to the front desk.

dumplings as comfort food

First Monday of my retirement, I went for a long walk. The 3 miles reminded me with every step how out of shape I am. On the scale this morning, I weighed more than I've ever weighed in my life (not a surprise). But hey, this is a new beginning. I got my butt out there and contemplated the weekend with Leola.

Saturday we spent the whole day going through boxes of her kitchen things, nick knacks and just plain junk. Dave Gordon, our family mover, packed this stuff and how he must have been amused, but then - he's probably seen it all. We unwrapped swizzle sticks from Reno, shot glasses from Vegas and dozens of those little umbrellas you get in tropical drinks. And Leola and Jim are people who never drank! There were dried leaves, rusted nail clippers, dried up highlighter pens, rocks, kitchy handmade Christmas decorations, an aluminum beer stein with the playboy bunny icon on it-must have been left from one of Jim's "naughty" trips somewhere, and many teacups/saucers, many of which had been broken and glued back together. Every item was wrapped in paper and packed in boxes.

There was some dumb stuff, too. Plastic grapes spray painted gold, some of that fake Easter basket grass, bows from long ago opened gifts. We found broken little dolls, 2 irons, 3 massagers, 2 hot water bottles, a douche bag, 3 curling irons, two of which had to be heated on the fire. This was all stuff that Jon had not gone through before the move. Over the last few months he had helped her go through her photographs, letters and such and packed them into managable boxes from Ikea. I doubt if any of this had been gone through 5 years ago when Leola moved from her house Coos Bay.

Anyway, we pitched some of it (some with her approval, some not) and repacked some for a future garage sale. It was sad in a way to see how many of her things were in such bad shape. Lots of chips, cracks and broken repair on many of the dishes she considers "valuable".

On the up side, she saved treasures she found on the beach for all the years she lived in Coos Bay. I loved some of this stuff - really cool small pieces of driftwood, agates, shells, petrified plant material and rocks. There are glass floats from Japanese fishing boats and lots of authenic nautical stuff from Jim's years as a commercial fisherman.

We worked until about 3:30, then got ready for the evening out. I had been invited to a friend and co-worker's birthday party. Chris lives in Boring, OR (I know, it's an unfortunate name for a town) which is about a 40 minute drive from Portland. Jon and I thought it would be fun to take Leola to dinner at Tad's Chicken and Dumplings, since it is on the Sandy River and not too far from the party. We hadn't been there, but had heard about it. It's one of those old restaurants that's been around for generations where the food isn't great, but the view is spectacular. Leola doesn't do too well with menus these days, so she just said she would have what we had - namely the chicken and dumplings. Each portion was enough for at least three people with leftovers for their dogs. She loved the dumplings with gravy. Given that none of are big eaters and we don't have dogs, we had it again Sunday night. Chances are good Leola had been to this restaurant sometime in the past, but she didn't remember.

After dinner, we drove to Boring and found Chris's house - a compound of buildings in a beautiful setting. Leola was having a grand time talking to people and I noticed a little later that she was on the deck teaching another co-worker of mine how to dance. People took turns getting a dance lesson with her!

Sunday morning she had back pain - probably from bending over all those boxes the day before. She was also more confused and once again didn't remember that Jon was her son. She still thinks she has a car and wants to drive to Ilwaco. Jon took a load to the dump, without his mother's knowledge because she never, ever throws or gives anything away. He came back and picked up Leola for a trip to the storage locker and to return flattened boxes to Dave Gordon, our mover. Jon chatted with Dave for a while (he has moved us several times and we've become friends) while Leola waited in the car. When he got back in, she was reading the Subaru owner's manual.

Meanwhile, I went through 3 more large boxes of clothes, sorted into things to keep and things to go to the Goodwill. I found some amazing clothes, like a vintage, beaded flapper dress. Unfortunately it needed repair and the fabric was shredding. Most of these clothes were her "summer" clothes and I knew she would never wear them again simply because she is always so cold, she has to wear sweaters. I know she won't be wearing that black cocktail dress with spaghetti straps or the belly dancing costume. Still, I just had to keep those.

Sunday evening we had our leftover chicken and dumplings and she remembered the restaurant and the party, but she didn't know who Jon and I were. It upsets Jon when she doesn't know she's his mother. She decided she wanted to go to bed, but when Jon and I started to watch a movie, she wanted to watch, too. The movie was "Cadillac Records", so of course she couldn't understand a word. She has had almost no exposure to African Americans, so she didn't get the movie at all. But that didn't stop her from watching the entire thing - periodically saying, "This is the craziest thing I've ever seen. I don't understand any of it." This is her mantra. It works.

Moving right along

On Friday evening, my last day of work, I met the women in my book group at a gallery called 23sandy. We don't usually have our book group at a gallery, but this was a show called "The Beautiful Book". We saw works by artists exploring the allure of books, bookmaking and poetry. Fascinating subjects incorporating many media. What a wonderful way to end a career in teaching literacy.
Once upon a time in 2001-2002, my 6 friends and I all worked together at Rieke School. Only one still teaches at Rieke, but we share a strong bond of friendship and a love of learning. We were all to go to dinner after the gallery, but I had made plans to have dinner with Jon to celebrate my retirement. Yummy food at Paley's Place! Rabbit ravioli with morels and fava beans - lord have mercy!

Last Day

I'm sitting in my classroom. Everything is in boxes because the Title 1 reading room (my room until the end of today) will move to a new location in the building in the fall. All of my personal things have already been brought home. Soon I will unplug this computer, say goodbye to co workers and drive the 40 minute commute for the last time.

Thursday, June 11

I can't grasp retirement. Yes, I'm excited, relieved and happy about it. But maybe because summer break is upon all my educationally employed friends that I won't experience the whole affect until fall when they are going back to work and I am free to do what I want with my days.

Leola seemed better today, way more oriented. Jon and I are going out to dinner tomorrow night to celebrate my retirement- the first time we've left her alone since she moved in. I think it will be just fine.

What a show!

At breakfast this morning, Leola asked Jon, "How did you like the show?"

"What show?" he asked

"You went up to Portland for a show, how was it?" she said.

"I don't know what you're talking about. How about you eat your breakfast", he suggested.

"Oh, OK"

Sixty seconds later she says, "How was the show?"

"Mom, I didn't go to a show. I just got up." he replies.

"You said you were going to Portland to go to a show." she insists.

"Mom, I'm in Portland, in my house and I didn't go to a show."

"OK, I'll be quiet and eat."

I get up and begin to load the dishwasher. Maybe 90 seconds goes by.

I hear her ask, "How was the show?"

At this point I'm laughing. Jon gets up , grabs a pen and post-it note and writes, "I did not go to a show" and gives it to her.

As I'm walking upstairs to brush my teeth, I hear her say "But I thought you went to a show. Maybe Julie went to the show."

Breakfast entertainment. It's better than TV.

My Final Week

This is my last week of work. It's oddly warm, but cloudy - unlike Portland weather. My brain tells me (and so does every adult in my building) I must be elated, but I'm not. Of course, I'm relieved. I won't have to get up and go to work every day, especially on Mondays. I won't have to deal with the everyday politics that drive me nuts. No more public school buildings with faulty, old heating systems churning out 80 degree heat so I can't possibly wear a sweater during the winter, no more smell of corn dogs at lunch time or needing sunglasses and/or rain gear at recess. Most of us visualize the planned end of our employed career will have some significance - some drama. But it doesn't. At least not so far. Not that I need any more drama...

Lady Ga Ga

She's dancing to Lady Ga Ga that Jon put on Rhapsody. This is good.

That' my cat!

You think you'd know someone if you've lived with him for 35 years, and you do - no question about it. I've seen Jon show more patience with his aged mother than he showed to our children when they were small. How is that possible? I'm in awe of his patience.

He wants this to work and I'm really trying. I want it to work, too. I spent this whole freaking day with her, going through her things, bringing her tea, making dinner (soup, because she likes soup), redirecting her inane babble. Leola always did talk, ALOT. I remember thinking when we were younger that when she got senile, who would know? She just talked so much no one paid much attention. Well, we are paying attention and we can tell she's losing her marbles, but that doesn't stop her from talking. She talks because she can.

Sunday night, June 7

I don't know how I ever thought this could work. I'm starting to freak out.

Sunday, June 7

Leola's fixation with the car continues. Except now she thinks she rented and it needs to be returned. When I told her that the car she sees from the front door is actually our car and not a car she rented, she insisted we go look. I walked with her to our Jetta parked just up the hill a bit to show her it was actually our car and I had the key. This is the time of day she often gets quite confused - late afternoon. I sure wish she liked to watch television, but she doesn't.

I've been interrupted writing this twice now. Jon is out on a long bike ride, a break he needed badly, but she keeps coming upstairs to my bedroom office and tells me her car delusions. All for now.

Saturday, June 6

We've made it through the first week and things seem to be getting a little better. Leola has slept through the night the last couple of nights. She still tries to leave during the day sometimes, but get confused once she's outside and realizes she doesn't know where she's going or how she would get there. The last couple of days, however, she's had a new fixation - a car she thinks she just bought. "I can't find the keys to my car! I just bought a new car and now I've lost it," she says every minute or so. We've discovered it's better to distract her with another topic rather than try to convince her she doesn't have a car any longer. Otherwise the conversation goes like this:

"Did you see my car outside? I think I'm going to go home now and I can't find my car," she says.

"You sold your car to Caleb 5 years ago. Don't you remember?" we will say. (Stupid thing to say, of course she doesn't remember!)

"I did? No, then how did I get here?" she replies. "How am I going to get home?"

"We drove you here in our car."

"But, I know I have a new car. I just bought it."

And on and on. So now we have learned that when she says, "I can't find my car", we just reply, "Caleb has your car and he's taking care of it."

These conversation are tediously exhausting for both Jon and me. However, I'm in awe at his patience and devotion to his mother and he seems to be in awe of me for my patience and willingness to welcome her in to our home. It is a new journey for us together and it has just begun.

Wednesday, June 3

I hit a wall yesterday and had to leave work after lunch. I was so sleepy and exhausted, I just needed to be horizontal and quiet for a while. Leola is still roaming around the house at night. This morning when I came downstairs, she was asleep on the couch with just a thin throw blanket over her. She woke up as she heard me making coffee and feeding the cat. I watched her sit up and stare, clearly trying to orient herself. I asked her if she had slept on the couch last night and she said, "I have no idea. I'm cold." Jon took her downstairs, so she could get dressed, but as he attempted to lay out clothes for her, he couldn't find any of the new bras I purchased on Sunday. I also noticed she had put panties on over her pantyhose. She had on a bra, but she had apparently slept in it and it was one of the ragged old ones. Tonight I will hunt for the missing underwear and we will attempt another bath. The first bath on Sunday terrified her, but since then I have purchased a large non-slip bathmat. Providence Home Health is coming on Friday to do their evaluation of what we need in terms of grab bars, etc. If she continues to be this confused, I don't think this move is going to work. Jon agrees, but we will keep her with us at least for the summer. If by that time, she isn't more oriented, we will move to Plan B - whatever that is.

June 1

Portland is enjoying a string of gorgeous weather and today is no exception, although it gets uncomfortably hot inside my school during the day. Two more weeks of school and I'm finished for good. I can taste retirement.