Eraserhead

The weather is startlingly beautiful as I'm sitting on the deck off my bedroom writing this. We returned from Coos Bay last night opting to drive back to Portland rather than spend another night in that musty, rather bleak motel. ON Friday, as we traveled south down interstate 5, Leola was like a child on a new adventure. Everything is always new to her - even the interstate which she has traveled on since it was constructed in the 1950's. The day was spectacular and as we drove along the Umpqua River on Hwy 38 from Drain to Reedsport in the late afternoon sunshine, we were mostly silent as we enjoyed the landscape. Once in Reedsport we headed south on Hwy 101 toward Coos Bay. Leola remembered none of it insisting she had never been on this road before. On the approach to North Bend and Coos Bay, the amazing Umpqua Dunes appear and disappear between the road and the ocean. Even that didn't spark her memory. We thought for sure she would recognize the Bay Bridge as we crossed it into North Bend, but she didn't. By this point she was quite confused. Our prompting didn't help. When she saw the sign that said "Welcome to North Bend" and a few minutes later, "Entering Coos Bay" she started to get agitated telling us "there must be more than one Coos Bay, because I lived in Coos Bay and this isn't it." She talked constantly trying to orient herself, becoming more and more manic, reading every random street sign out loud.

A little background here. Leola has a history of mental illness. What is now called bipolar-disorder used to be called manic depression. She was hospitalized a couple of times before the age of 50 for manic behavior, but never really displayed the depression. She was on lithium for years to control it, but has long since stopped taking it and has had no further episodes, but she has always been hyperactive, full of energy and "on the go" to the point where she would drive me nuts. Up until the last few years, I avoided spending time with her.

While Jon was checking into the Comfort Inn, I worried she was going to snap right there in the car - she was so incoherent. It seemed no response I gave to a question helped orient or satisfy her. She repeated questions over and over forgetting she had just asked. We got 2 rooms and quickly realized one of us would probably have to sleep in her room (which was right across the hall) to keep her safe during the night.

Since it was such a nice evening, we decided to drive out to Charleston to eat. Charleston is one of my favorite places on the Oregon Coast. It's just a little fishing town, but I love it there. Jim and Leola used to have a boat docked at the marina, but she didn't remember. Leola seemed to settle down during dinner. She was happy eating her clam chowder and watching the seagulls pick at a dogfish on the beach while I sipped my much needed martini. Jon and I ate fresh grilled ling cod (caught that very day!) and shared a bottle of wine while we all enjoyed the view. After dinner we drove to Sunset Beach where she used to take Jon as a child (see photos above). No memories, but she clearly enjoyed the beauty of the landscape. We drove passed the first house they lived in - nothing. No recognition.

Next morning, we went to breakfast at the Pancake Mill, a place she used to meet her friends for coffee on an almost daily basis. My kids remember it well as she used to take them with her when they visited. They still talk about those memories. We decided we would not prompt her anymore, avoiding saying things like, "Don't you remember this street?" because that may have contributed to last night's agitation. She did not recognize the Pancake Mill at all, but she ate a hearty breakfast and marveled at all the things on the walls. At this point, Jon and I decided to check out of the motel and not stay a second night since Leola clearly wasn't remembering anything.

Since the Coos Art Museum didn't open until 1:00 and it was such a beautiful day, a drive further south to Bandon seemed like a good way to kill some time. We strolled around the historic area, went out to the light house and watched a coast guard boat dramatically exercise practice drills in the choppy ocean waves. We stopped for lunch at Bandon Dunes, the swanky, elite golf course on the water. At this point, Leola just thought we were on a fun trip to see things.

Back in Coos Bay, we went to the museum and saw my painting in the show on it's last day, but we couldn't actually pick it up until until 4:00 pm after the show closed. In the remaining 2 hours until then, we had planned to visit some of her old neighbors and see her old house. She knew none of them, but that didn't stop her from having a grand old time with them. These people varied in age from 39-80 and they were all quite happy to see her. We went into her old house and as she was standing in her old kitchen, looking out at the view of the bay she had seen a million times before, she said, "What a great view," but she didn't recognize it as a house she had lived in. Jon asked her if she remembered living there and she did not.

It was as if someone had taken an eraser to her brain and eliminated all the memories from her years in Coos Bay.