Friday, July 10, 2009

All week Jon was preparing to take the Family Practice board exam he needs to pass to keep his license. Today was the day, so he left at 7:30 AM and returned about 5:00PM (yes, it is an all day exam). Leola was still downstairs when he left and I was reading the paper with my coffee when she came upstairs. She said her good mornings, but very little else, ate her cereal and toast and read one of the same books she has been reading for the last 6 weeks. I asked her if she wanted coffee and she affirmed that she would. I excused myself to go get dressed then left the house for the studio. I put in a good 3 hours, packed up, came home to check on her and see if she wanted her lunch. She didn't. She still spoke little, just, "You've been gone a long time."

We spent the afternoon in peaceful companionship on the deck with our reading in the gorgeous weather. After more than an hour, the only thing she said was, "Isn't it nice to sit out here? It's so peaceful. I like sitting here with you." I agreed. It doesn't get much better than a July day in Portland with nothing else to do but sit outside and read. I realized that the last 5 years she spent at NW Place, she rarely spent time outdoors unless she went for a walk. Here, with our decks with views of trees and clouds, she can spend hours looking at them. Hell, I do the same thing. That's the great thing about our house and Portland summers.

I spent way too much time on the NY Times crossword (it's Friday!) but began to wonder what has changed. She is quiet and content. Did she finally work through the trauma of moving? Not once - all day - did she ask about Jon or his whereabouts nor did she talk about going home or her car. She was fine with me there, but I think she might have been fine with anyone. Actually, she was fine alone. Definitely something has changed. At dinner she needed to be reminded that Jon was her son. This is the hardest part for him. I sense a sadness in her. Maybe resignation, but more likely safety and contentment.

Later, there was a brief and rare thunderstorm (little thunder, some rain). Leola tried to rush to go in before she realized the deck was partially covered and it wasn't cold. She stood on the deck just marveling at the rain and the fact she could be outdoors while it was raining.

When I talk to Whitney and Daniel, they listen to my brief summaries of the last 6 weeks, but they can't really connect, just as I didn't when my grandparents were failing. Both of them have chosen not to read this blog, for their own reasons. They are in their 20's and don't yet recognize the fragility of life, just as I didn't at their age.